What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
