Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize
