we have pet lesbian snakes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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