Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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