I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
