I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
