she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
