i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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