I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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