fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
