Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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