Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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