Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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