i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fuck appropriateness.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
