2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
