So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
last night I used snow as a chaser
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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