im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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