Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
