my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
