i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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