Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize