He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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