I want to have your abortion
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
