yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
