I think im going to throw up on grandma
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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