Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this boner is exhausting
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
