Jerry, you need to find god
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize