I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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