Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
