Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
