remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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