You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize