I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
