he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
