so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
