He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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