How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
