he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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