you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have aggressive nipples.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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