dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
