oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
