is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
