running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
