I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
