I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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