Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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