all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
