i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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