I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
