pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
